Decades Apart

How do you grieve? I grieve alone. Well, almost. The whiskey manhattans have been served... a promise made IS a promise kept, my dear beautiful sweet friend. And now you're gone... Some roads lead us to places we never expected. It's wonderful when those places are good. My friend Jan was good and I miss her.

At the peak of our friendship, Jan was in her mid to late sixties and I was in my mid to late twenties, but Jan was a fireball of experience, fun, wisdom and opinion. I loved her opinions! We didn't always agree and sometimes I think I left her truly mystified but the banter was always friendly. We were four decades apart and yet, some of my best times were hanging out with Jan... talking, laughing, dining, drinking, going to shows and parties and trying to understand why the world wasn't the way we wished or thought it should be... Sometimes, I think Jan was living her sixties years as she had wanted to live her earlier years. I was honored to be one of the people she liked "living" her life with.

One of the best things about my friendship with Jan was that she accepted me truly for me. She never asked or expected me to change a thing. I made mistakes in those years we hung out. Some of them ridiculous and some of them seemingly monumental at the time. We'd laugh and then she'd tell me about some mistake she'd made in life and we'd laugh, because what did it really matter when you were sitting with a good friend enjoying the moment?

I grew up a lot in those years. Jan was a witness to my stories as I muddled through boyfriends that didn't make sense, got my first teaching job, married my best friend, tried to figure out why some of my friends were making some of the choices they were making, rejoiced in the success of the people I love, became a mother for the first time, watched my own mother die and slip from my life, gave birth to my second child, quit my career and followed an entirely new professional path by the seat of my pants. In all of this Jan never flinched. She watched. She listened. She talked. I listened. I talked.

The second best thing about our friendship is that I accepted Jan for who she truly was. When I first met Jan, I was introduced to her by her given name, but I soon discovered Jan in the shadows living a life expected of her by society, family and work. Who doesn't do this in their own way? When Jan retired, she said hell with it all and lived her life for the first time as she had always wanted. I loved her for this. I loved being with her and knowing that I was a part of her life and her happiness. Jan was my mentor, my sometimes parent, but most all she was my friend.

Life is complicated and riddled with the emotions and expectations of people who sometimes don't see things the way you want them to. Sometimes family comes first and Jan and I made a choice about two years ago. We stopped calling each other and going out. This is another story entirely and the choice we made probably should have happened years before it did for everyone else's sake but ours.

Jan is gone now and I miss her, but I have been missing her for awhile now. We used to joke that if reincarnation were real, we would be born twin sisters that looked like Julia Roberts in our next life so we could grow up together and cause all kinds of trouble... I miss Jan and I hope she waits for me...

Finally, I am tired of grieving alone, so let it be not alone this time.

For you my friend... The best part of being a woman is the prerogative to have a a little fun...
We had a lot fun didn't we? I love you Jan.

Man! I Feel Like a Woman - Shania Twain

I can't believe it's been almost two months since I posted. Oh well. Thought I'd share these. I just finished reading an article about laughter being good medicine and then found the Bonnie Tyler Total Eclipse of the Heart (Literal Video Version) linked on one of my FaceBook friend's pages. Funny stuff!

Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart (literal video version)


Billy Idol - White Wedding (literal video version)

My "New" Relationship With My Computer

I can't believe it's been a month since I posted. I haven't even been reading any blogs and I apologize. I miss reading all your blogs, but I've really been spending very little time on the computer unless it's work related. Ever since we moved the store last September, I've been so focused on getting the store in shape and expanding the business that most other things have taken a backseat; i.e. my social time on the computer, my social life period. The extent of my social life at this point revolves around FaceBook (it's quick and easy like frozen fish sticks for dinner) and seeing our friends when they come in the store for the children's activities and classes we hold. So my social life resembles a big black hole, but that's okay because the business so far is somehow making it through the economic downturn. I can't tell you how many businesses have shut down around here in the last six months. Hopefully, we can continue to hang on until things start to improve again.

When I'm at home, I try to steer clear of the computer because I just end up doing work related stuff. And I've been trying to be at home when I'm at home. It's hard to leave the store at the store and I don't always do a bang up job of it, just ask Scott how many times he's tripped over the boxes of books I bring home to list in my inventory, but I decided over the winter that I really must try harder so that I can focus on our family, our schooling, our new puppy, our cats (although they're really not crying for attention) and our house.

Recently Scott and I got new cell phones and I seriously considered getting one with internet capability for the business and then, I thought better of it. I really love my computer and I couldn't run my business without, but I must draw the line somewhere.

Just For Fun!

SNL-The Rock Obama
I've had this same dream recently myself. Weird!

I'm Baaaack....

Oh, don't fret. I haven't really been gone... I've just been hibernating and working my tail off at the same time. Considering that, my life is certainly a mystery isn't it? I always struggle through winter. ALWAYS! But this year has been exceptionally hard. This winter has brought a great deal of destruction and death around. I won't go into detail, but it's been hard. I am most thankful for my family who keep me sane on a regular basis and put up with my "idiosyncrasies". I am also extremely grateful for my friends who never gape at me when strange words flee from my mouth or I'm in a "mood" which has been for most of the last four months. I am urging spring on from the depths of my being and cannot wait for the daffodils to emerge. We always have a ton in our yard so hopefully our new puppy won't be able to devour ALL of them.

For now, Janis and I are going to wait for warmer days. See you at a blog near you soon.

Now That I'm Getting On In Years

I'm officially turning 38 today. All month I've been in this funky moody that can only be described as being caught somewhere between the mashed potatoes and the peas in a traditionally prepared shepherd's pie. I feel too old to be young and too young to be old. I think that's how the saying goes anyway. Not too old to be off to a drag show with my friends in a couple days though! I certainly hope the Cher and Bowie impersonators are there! Maybe they'll sing I Got You Babe for me! I'm definitely doing up my 'do like Cher's in the second video below for my night out. Who's old? Not me! ;)

Finally!

Well, I FINALLY feel like a human being again! That was one of the longest colds I ever remember having. I'm feeling better just in time for the homeschool science fair the kids are participating in this Saturday.

The kids are working on their projects and are super excited about them. L. has made an invention. It is an Automatic Cat Feeder made from all recycled materials. It's pretty cool. I'll have to post pictures of it in the future. We've also been reading about inventors and inventions. Between the toy store she runs inside our bookstore and her inventions, she's becoming quite the little entrepreneur.

C. (with a little help from daddy) is making a model of a volcano that actually "erupts". Daddy built the frame and then last night we all had fun coating the frame with plaster cloth. The mountain shaped object has been drying over night and tonight C. will start painting it. About a week ago or so I read the size limitations for the science projects to the kids and totally bummed my son out! As soon as I finished reading, he exclaimed, "Oh man! I wanted to build a life-size volcano!" This sent Scott and I into spasms of laughter (because we think our little boy is so darn cute). My spasm ended in a coughing fit as I was still fairly sick at the time. No one can say, our kids are not ambitious!

The last thing I'll babble on about today (can you tell I'm feeling better?) is our first puppy play date. Saturday evening we were invited over to our old friends' for dinner and so the dogs could play. JR and Heather have a well-trained and well-behaved Siberian Husky that is 1 1/2 named Koki. We have an 8 month Basset named Sissy who has now completed her second dog training class. We've seen progress, but we still have a long way to go to reach Koki's standards. :)
Heather made a delicious meal for our family and the dogs had a blast! Sissy played so hard she wore herself out and our usual energetic puppy was pretty docile on Sunday. Heather took some pictures while we were at their house. These are two of my favorites.

Angie says... I've been feeling a bit peaked lately and haven't visited the blogosphere much. I'll be making rounds again as soon as I kick this cold or flu or whatever it is I'm experiencing. I've had three people ask me if I've eaten peanut butter this week. No, I haven't been eating peanut butter and I know I'm supposed to look peaked, but no one says that to me anymore, so I'm saying that's how I feel. This whole thing is making me a bit of grump too. That and the economic travesty we've all been side-swiped with. How long can I keep ignoring it? About as long as I could ignore this dang peakedness.

SLACKER!

So Randal tagged me just recently to write six random things about myself. Okay, okay, it was really 8 days ago and I'm a big slacker. If it makes you feel better, we'll just change my name to Angie Slacker and move on.

Okay then I've added a little twist to my random things. I've created a music theme here. After this, I have to post 25 random things about myself on FaceBook. I really should get some work done. Plus, 25 things? I'm going to have to make some things up for sure!

1. I love disco. Please don't hate me because I'm glittery. And if you think that little guarded secret didn't almost get me kicked out of the punk rock scene once or twice, think again. I especially love going to a good drag show to see the Queens in town light up the floor.

I Love the Nightlife - Alicia Bridges (Alicia gets a good snarl on in this one!)


2. I've never been able to understand why the band members coming out of the grunge scene had to wear white leather high tops. It just ruined the whole outfit! You're musicians for Pete's sake NOT athletes and what's wrong with a nice pair of kickin' boots?

Now that's the ticket! Everyone needs a good pair of pirate boots, even if your name isn't Orlando or Johnny.

3. John Taylor is, was and always will be my favorite member of Duran Duran.

See, we even agree on issues...


4. I know all the lyrics to every song on the Grease soundtrack and all the dance moves.

Summer Nights


5. I used to play saxophone and sometimes wish I still did, but my sax was ruined years ago from too much marching around on football fields in the rain. One of these days, I'd like to get it restored.

Boots Randolph - Yakety Sax


6. With my combined love of disco and new wave, I believe it only makes sense that I then moved on to Glam Rock. Those guys wear more glitter, heels and makeup than ANYONE!

Mike Monroe - She's No Angel

Woo! Hoo!